Why I Like My Boyfriends Far Away

Take Me to Paris

Photo Credit: @muradosmann

It’s not the reason you think…I’m always a loyal and faithful girlfriend, sometimes too loyal. So it’s not that I want to run around and date other men or party with my girlfriends all the time. But it’s true, I seem to be attracted to men who live far away. In fact, it’s almost as though the farther away a man lives, the more interested I am. And it’s not that I have intimacy issues or that I like impossible relationships; it’s more about wanting to live a life of adventure and being curious about life in other parts of the world, not to mention, having a thing for foreign men.

Believe it or not, this all stems back to high school. My first boyfriend seemed very American on the surface, but was actually born in Sweden. On top of being foreign, he was in the Navy. For me, the local high school boys just didn’t hold the same appeal. I was more interested in the guy who traveled the world, which coincidentally, was perfect because I technically wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend yet anyway. And there was something romantic about receiving all those handwritten love letters and gifts from every port.

One of the main reasons I like long-distance relationships is that I’ve always been very goal oriented. In high school, I focused on my grades and studied really hard to make sure I got into my dream school, Pepperdine University in Malibu. Now, as an adult, I teach Pilates six days a week and write on most nights. Of course, the end goal would be living in the same city as the man I love. However, for the way my life is right now, I like the idea of meeting up somewhere for a romantic rendezvous away from all the hustle and bustle, then focusing on my work while I’m home in L.A. Although I have to admit, I wasn’t very professionally productive in my last long-distance relationship because I spent so much time texting and Skyping–I did, however, always keep my clothes on for our video chats no matter how many times my then boyfriend told me that Skyping naked would lead to deeper intimacy in our relationship. Does that make me a prude?

A friend of mine recently warned me that long-distance relationships aren’t real life, but I disagree. There’s nothing like taking a trip with someone to know whether or not you are compatible with him or her. When you date someone in the same town, you are probably able to spend only a few hours together after you both finish work and before you fall asleep, possibly more time on the weekends, of course, but there’s always errands to be run and things to take care of before the work week starts again. I like how in long-distance relationships, a couple sets everything aside to just really get lost in each other. I know that I would much prefer a few days of sleeping in and rolling around in bed with no place to be over seeing someone several times a week but having to wake up and rush off to work in the morning. So, whether it’s three days, five days or seven days of togetherness, I feel I’ve become much closer, much faster to the men I’ve dated long distance.

Last summer I went on a few dates with a man who lived in Long Beach, which, when there’s no traffic, is only about an hour away from where I live in Beverly Hills. Of course, the gentlemanly thing to do would have been for him to come to me, and he did the first couple of times. However, he had a nice big house and a boat he wanted to show off, and I’m always up for a change in scene; so I agreed to drive out to Long Beach one night after work, not really factoring the rush-hour traffic. The drive took me three whole hours! As I sat in gridlock, I thought to myself, how could I possibly date this guy? To me, this drive was much worse than any long-distance relationship I had ever been in. I’d much rather fly somewhere and be with my boyfriend the entire weekend than to drive three hours just to have dinner with him. That’s the one contradiction to my theory that I like them farther away. Farther is definitely not better when it comes to dating locally. At least I can write on an airplane, but there’s no way I’d want to be stuck in traffic for that long on a regular basis.

I remember growing up, I told my mom that I was so bored because we always lived in the same house, and I went to the same school kindergarten through eighth grade. My mom had moved around a lot as a kid and was constantly starting new schools, so she wanted to provide the stability for us that she never had. While I appreciate that now, at the time I was craving new stimuli. As soon as I graduated high school, I moved to Los Angeles, and I’ve been here ever since.

While L.A. managed to hold my attention for quite a long time, recently I’ve been finding myself with a bit of wanderlust. So, a man who lives in, say, Monaco is going to be much more exciting to me than a guy who lives in Sherman Oaks. I don’t want to sound ungrateful because I do appreciate all the lavish dinners men have treated me to in my lifetime. However, an L.A. guy is going to take me to all the same restaurants I’ve been to a hundred times, whereas, a man in another state—or, better yet, another country–is going to open me up to new places and experiences I wouldn’t normally have, and that’s extremely exciting to me. I’d take a hole in the wall in Italy over the trendiest restaurant in Los Angeles any day.

Recently, my mom sweetly suggested that maybe I should try to find a man who lives in America. Of course, I’m not ruling American men out. I mean, it’s possible I could fall in love with an American man tomorrow, maybe even a foreign man who lives in L.A.; or I could meet a man who likes to travel as much as I do, although L.A. guys usually invite me to Vegas or Cabo, two places which are very fun, but I’ve been to both numerous times. Lately, it’s Europe that’s been calling my name…and coincidentally, I love the old world manners and charm of European men.

Over the last couple years, I started to intuitively feel like maybe the man for me doesn’t live in Los Angeles. I do believe he’s out there, but maybe not in this city, on this continent, or even on this planet.

I might have to fly to the moon to find him. But strangely, I’m okay with that♥

 

“When they work, long distance relationships are the best sort of beautiful, I think. That a person could wait months, cross miles and oceans for a few spectacular moments with the person they love, that’s it, you know, that’s what we’re all searching for.”

~Beau Taplin

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You Keep Me Safe, I’ll Keep You Wild

Red Wild 2

One of my guy friends recently asked me why he and I don’t date each other. I thought back to the last time I hung out with him, which turned into a particularly uninhibited night, starting out with us eating chocolate-covered strawberries and dancing to the piano bar at Mastro’s and ended at a strip club until 3 a.m. Although the night was ridiculously fun, I seriously had no business “making it rain” when I had a 9 a.m. clients the next morning. Despite the fact that my friend is handsome, fun, and I enjoy his company very much, I explained that I felt he was too wild for me, and that I need to be with someone who keeps me grounded.

It’s no secret that I possess a bit of a wild streak myself. Whenever I’ve tried to date someone who was even wilder than I am, I would get myself into trouble trying to keep up with him. I believe there should be one partner who stabilizes the other, and I can speak from experience that relationships tend to work best for me when I’m the wilder one. To put things in perspective, my longest relationship was a man who did crossword puzzles every night. He once came home from work with a bottle of Dom Perignon. I said, “Let’s party!” He responded, “Let’s have a reading party!” Who in the world reads when they drink champagne? Give me a bottle of Dom and there are a lot of things I might be tempted to do; reading, however, isn’t one of them.

My parents also have this kind of dynamic where my dad is so serious I can literally count the times I’ve seen him smile on both of my hands, and my mom is more light-hearted and fun, not to mention a total social butterfly. He does keep her safe, but to be honest, my dad will never be wild.

Last summer while I was visiting my family in Chicago, my niece, who was six-years-old at the time, saw a picture in my phone of a guy I had gone out with on a few dates. This guy was a lot of fun but liked to drink and party a little too much to be boyfriend material. My wise-beyond-her-years niece took one look at his picture and said, “I don’t like him…I like serious men like Cole. He’s six, and I can tell he loves me.” Cole must be pretty special if he’s already considered a man at the age of six. Apparently my niece and I have similar taste. I, too, like serious men whom I can tell love me.

I’m a girl who, for the most part, has my head in the clouds. I feel I need a man who has his feet planted firmly on the ground to balance out my whimsical nature and keep me on planet Earth. If I’m the more practical or responsible one in the relationship, we’re going to be in for trouble. So, as much as I adore my friend, what I’m looking for is someone who keeps me safe–so I don’t get too wild♥