Bag Lady or Baby Maker?

homeless-barbieA few months ago, I stopped telling people my age. To be honest, I’m perfectly fine with the number and actually feel happier than ever with where I am in life. I just accomplished a major goal of mine–I’m about to become a published author. And my dream has always been to travel—well, in the past year alone I’ve been to Paris three times and paid a trip to London as well. And I currently have the most amazing man in my life. So, the reason I stopped telling people my age? It’s other people’s reactions to the number that make me feel bad.

Back in June, when I was single, I was standing in front of my apartment building waiting for an Uber. A woman who looked maybe in her mid-fifties was walking by with a man about her same age. She stopped to give me a compliment, telling me that I looked “gorgeous” and asked if I was going on a date. I told her that I was meeting a girlfriend for a drink. Looking at me disapprovingly, she demanded to know how old I was. When I told her, she said she had thought I was much younger and that, at my age, I had no business going on a girls’ night (Umm…Isn’t that how you meet men?). She insisted I had to get on Match.com or EHarmony right away.

Then she proceeded to give me a fertility lecture, telling me how I immediately needed to find a man and start a family. I confessed that I didn’t know if I wanted children. She then asked, “Don’t you want a nice, big house and an SUV?” Just for the record, I’m cool with my cozy one-bedroom apartment and the last time I drove a man’s SUV, I dented the entire passenger side. Anyway, she insisted that I needed to have kids if I wanted to “bond” with a man. She then went on to tell me that I could date older but no one over fifty-five because his sperm would be too old. She said another option would be to go younger, adding that “younger men have strong sperm, but sometimes they aren’t ready.”

She was kind of amusing at first, but she began to make me a little uncomfortable. I tried to deflect the situation by asking if the man she was with was her husband. She sharply said, “No!” I never learned who was the man was standing behind her nodding in agreement with everything she was saying, but he did finally speak. He said the reason he was nodding was because this woman was right. He then gestured his hands up and down my body, saying, “You must reproduce this!”

 I felt like I was in the “Twilight Zone.” Who were these people? And why did they care so much about my fertility? Didn’t Halle Berry have a baby at 47? And isn’t Janet Jackson pregnant at 50? I got time!

Anyway, the woman continued her rant saying how I needed to be smart and find a man who made enough money to take care of me. For anyone who knows me, I’ve never been a girl looking for a rich husband or a man to take care of me—I’ve always followed the butterflies, not the pocketbook. This lady went on to say that women aren’t really capable of making the kind of money that men are able to. Then she said something that struck a nerve.

She said, “You don’t want to end up a bag lady.”

A bag lady?! Was this 2016? Aren’t there other options for women this day and age besides finding a husband or becoming a bag lady?

At that point, I decided to speak up for myself, telling her I was about to become a published author. She finally dropped the subject and began to ask me about my book. Luckily, the Uber drive showed up and rescued me. She had me take her number so we could continue this conversation later.

Obviously, I never called.

What I didn’t tell her was that there was no shortage of men who wanted to take me to dinner or how I would be meeting a handsome man in London the following weekend. I didn’t tell her about the time I had recently spent in Paris or about the men in my life who have wanted to marry me or that time I actually did get married. This woman just automatically pegged me as a girl who couldn’t find a man rather than a girl who set out to live a life of adventure and wasn’t going to settle for anything short of magical.

In a universe where there are no chance encounters, I began to wonder what could be the reason this woman was put in my path. The only thing that I could come up with was maybe she was simply put there to get me thinking, because on my own, as a single girl, I would never be thinking about marriage and children. The thing I do think about, however is finding true love. I’ve always felt that if I found the man I was meant to be with, the rest will fall into place. And I don’t worry so much about time. I believe in divine timing and feel if I’m meant to be a mother, God will make me one.

For this reason, when people ask me if I want children, I never know exactly how to answer. The answer is conditional. As a romantic, I believe that having a child would be a natural expression of love with the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with. The thing is that in recent years, while my love life has been quite exciting, it has been anything but stable. I know there are no guarantees in life, but I would want to feel secure that my family would stay together forever. That might sound a little naïve, but I do know it’s possible to have this type of security because I have felt this way in a relationship years ago, at a time I was not nearly ready to be anyone’s wife or mother.

Part of my hesitation is that I have so many guy friends and male clients–I’ve seen just about everything by now. I also have married men trying to pick me up in nightclubs or hitting me up on social media nearly every day. When a married man messages me asking to get together or telling me that I’m his secret crush or even to simply tell me he thinks I’m beautiful, I don’t find it flattering, I find it disheartening. I’m sure most of it is harmless flirting, but I surely wouldn’t want a husband who behaved like that. I’m a romantic who wants to believe that true love lasts forever. And I’m also an optimist, so while I do still believe that kind of love is out there, I see now how rare it is.

For a girl who prides herself on being unconventional, I have some pretty traditional views. You see, I’m not from Los Angeles. I’m from Chicago. People stay together in the Midwest. And I didn’t have the kind of father who was popping bottles in nightclubs (that’s actually a funny visual if you know my dad). I certainly wouldn’t want to be in the kind of marriage where I’m home breastfeeding while my husband is out partying. I ain’t about that life. You see, there’s a lot of talk about men giving up their single lives. But, women, especially women in major cities like Los Angeles, have exciting single lives too, sometimes even more so. I believe that when a woman has a baby, her maternal instincts naturally kick in and her family becomes everything. She will never be a free-spirit again. If I found myself in a situation where I was married to man who was still trolling for girls on the Internet, I know I would regret giving my heart, my body, my soul, and potentially a child to a man whose sense of loyalty doesn’t match my own when I could have easily been sipping champagne on a yacht in Monaco or doing the tango in Buenos Aires.

To be honest, though, even though this is genuinely how I feel—it is mostly fear talking. I do know that there are devoted husbands and fathers in this world, and yes, even in Los Angeles. Before I started working at a country club in Cheviot Hills, I didn’t realize that normal families existed in L.A. That just wasn’t my world. But, at the country club, I’ve met some really happy families (and even a wonderful husband for my best friend), which gives me hope the man for me is out there somewhere.

And if he’s not, then there’s a chance that woman on the street was right. Maybe I will end up a bag lady, but at least I’ll have great stories to tell♥

An Angel in Paris

Carrie Bradshaw Paris

In my upcoming book, Love, Miracles & Mayhem in the City of Angels, I write about all the Earth angels I’ve encountered living here in Los Angeles–which of course, literally means “The Angels” in Spanish. Moving to this city where there is so much trouble to get into when I was just seventeen years old, so young and naïve, I found myself in some unexpected, sometimes even downright dangerous situations. Throughout it all, I’ve always felt very blessed. I believe I have a strong angel presence around me, some of these angels are unseen, but many of them definitely can be seen, in human form. When I first moved to town, much like Blanche DuBois said at the conclusion of A Streetcar Named Desire, I felt like I had often depended on the kindness of strangers.

I was reminded of this on a recent trip to Paris, Valentine’s weekend. A girlfriend of mine was planning to visit the City of Light with her boyfriend to celebrate the occasion. Sadly, my friend and her boyfriend got into an argument, and he decided not to join her. When my girlfriend asked if I could meet her in Paris, it seemed like a long shot, but I told her I would see what I could do. I looked online—plane tickets were $2,000, totally not in my budget. A friend of mine, whom I most definitely consider an angel, knew I really wanted to go, so he very kindly and generously offered to let me use his airline miles in order to meet my friend in Paris, making not only one but two girls very happy.

I actually love long flights because they provide me with a solid block of time where I can work on my book uninterrupted. I literally wrote fifteen hours straight on the plane—I didn’t even take a nap. When I arrived at Charles de Gaulle, I decided to take the train instead of a cab to the hotel since I was on a budget. As I was walking to the train, a young man, who happened to be an off-duty airport employee on his way home escorted me to the metro. He helped me buy a train ticket from the machine and showed me on the map which exit to take to get to my hotel. I found him to be very sweet and helpful. Although his English was much better than my French, which at the time was basically limited to “Bonjour,” “Merci,” and “Au revoir,” we had a hard time communicating. I eventually downloaded an app to help translate our conversation. He seemed really eager to assist me and was supposed to exit several stops before I did. However, when we reached his destination, my new friend decided to remain on the train with me all the way to my exit.

I had been warned about the pickpockets in Paris, especially on the train. The over-sized purse I use for traveling was stuffed to the max with my makeup, my hairbrush, whatever spiritual book I was reading at the time, and my laptop (or so I thought). I couldn’t understand much of what my new friend had to say, but I did understand when he told me I had pretty eyes and when he instructed me to close my bag, which he did countless times, but the bag, unfortunately, wouldn’t close.

When I arrived to my destination, the man from the train asked me to have a coffee with him. My girlfriend had been waiting for me in the hotel room, so I ran up to ask her to join us. I used this opportunity to empty out the all the things I didn’t need from my purse, so I could finally close my bag. My girlfriend and I had a quick cup of hot chocolate with my new friend before saying goodbye and going to the market to buy some things for the room. When my girlfriend and I returned to the hotel, the room had been cleaned but my laptop was gone. I was sure I had taken my laptop out and placed it on the bed when I got to the hotel. My girlfriend said she didn’t remember seeing the computer, which was hard to miss since it was encased by a bright hot pink cover.

My girlfriend was positive I must have left the laptop on the plane, but I was still convinced the laptop hade made it back to the hotel room with me. There was no way I would have been so careless with such an important item; my laptop is basically like another limb to me. However, I did call Delta, in the off-chance my friend was right. And although I didn’t think a hotel maid would steal my laptop–I’m sure people come to Paris with far more valuable items than my little pink MacBook Air—I thought perhaps it may have gotten lost in the sheets and mistakenly taken out of the room.

When I talked to my friends back home, they asked, “Are you sure that guy from the train didn’t steal it?” Adding, “You should never talk to strangers in Paris!” Honestly, in my heart, I didn’t feel he took it. He seemed so kind and helpful and so completely sincere. However, for a second, I thought to myself maybe it was naïve of me to think this man was so gentlemanly and chivalrous that he simply wanted to make sure I made it to my destination safely. But, then I thought, even the best pickpocket could not have taken my laptop out and put it in his backpack while carrying my suitcase. Plus, he had given me his first and last name and his phone number and had hoped to take me out while I was in Paris. For all these reasons and my own intuition, I knew the guy didn’t take it, but I texted him to see if he had any clues. He said he really hoped I didn’t think he stole my laptop. I told him that I didn’t think he took it, but I wish he did because that way I know would get it back.

Now, the worst part of losing my laptop wasn’t the losing the device itself—a laptop is replaceable. It was the fact that I hadn’t backed up the book I was writing for longer than I care to admit. I was devastated to think of losing all that work, all that time and all that energy I had spent writing. For me, a writer, losing the laptop with the contents of the book I’ve literally spent years working on, was almost like another woman misplacing her child. Okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic, but this was a major loss. I was heartbroken. Even though there was a little a black cloud was hanging over my head, I did manage to shake off my sadness in order have fun with my girlfriend. We were in Paris, one of the most magnificent cities in the world, after all.

Shortly after I contacted Delta, I received an email from the airline that they couldn’t locate my laptop, and the hotel maid didn’t have any information either. Although I wasn’t feeling too hopeful, I prayed all weekend that I would miraculously get my laptop back. On the day before I left, the guy from the train texted me; he had gone to the airport on his day off to find my laptop. He told me he had been so upset I had lost my computer that he couldn’t even sleep; he was so sad for me. But that wasn’t all, he had very good news—the Delta counter at the Paris airport had my computer in their lost and found!

I honestly still can’t believe I left my laptop on that airplane–I must have been either deliriously tired or just that excited to be in Paris! Even though I would be going to the airport the next day for my flight to Los Angeles, I didn’t want to wait another second, let alone another day. I wanted the laptop back in my possession immediately. My new friend told me to wait for him. He would take the train to pick me up, and we would go to the airport together. The train ride, by the way, was about forty minutes from my hotel to the airport. So, he rode the train to come get me, and then rode the train all the way back to with me to the airport where my prayers were answered, and I was reunited with my beloved hot pink laptop. Voilà!

I was so happy and felt beyond grateful to my friend from the train and how he went out of his way to help me. Of course, I was going to inquire at the Delta counter before I went on my flight. But as an American girl, who doesn’t speak French, I wonder if I would I have gotten it back without this man’s help. Since he was a native French speaker who worked at the airport, I’m sure he had an advantage. Everyone I spoke to reminded me how lucky I was to get my computer back, and I have to agree. I was very lucky!

After I picked up my laptop, my friend and I rode the train together once more. Outside my hotel, he gave me a kiss on each cheek, and I once again thanked him for helping me. According to A Course in Miracles, there are no chance encounters—every single person is put on your path for a reason. I believe this man was an angel, sent to protect me on the train and make sure my laptop was returned safely in my arms.

When we said goodbye, I could tell he would have liked to spend more time with me, and I felt kind of bad he gave up his entire day to ride the train back and forth on my behalf. But my girlfriend was waiting for me–she and I had plans to visit the Louvre. Oh, and I forgot to mention, this all happened on Valentine’s Day, and I had a date that night that I couldn’t have been more excited about. (And just a little side note, not only did my date turn out to be wonderful, but my Valentine made sure I didn’t take the train back to the airport the next day.)

Right after I boarded the plane, I received a text from the man who helped me get my computer back. He was working at the airport and wanted to know if he could say goodbye to me. I told him that I was sorry, but I was already on the plane. As the plane was about to take off, I looked outside the window and saw him drive up in his airport vehicle and stand up, waving his arms goodbye. It was such a sweet and grand gesture, reminiscent of John Cusak holding the boombox over his head outside the girl’s window in Say Anything. As the plane took off, tears welled up in my eyes.

Although I will probably never see him again, one thing is for certain, I will never forget the kindness of this Parisian stranger♥

Fireworks & Butterflies

Fireworks & Butterflies

I’ve attended Christine Hassler’s monthly group coaching sessions four times now. Christine is always very insightful, and Tuesday night was no exception. This month, she was discussing my favorite topic, love and relationships. Christine shared a quote from Antione de Saint-Exupery, which was coincidentally something my long-term ex-boyfriend often said to me, “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward in the same direction.” In other words, in a perfect relationship, both people should constantly be evolving and moving forward together, which I totally agree with. However, as I told my ex, of course I’m all for evolving and moving forward, but I didn’t want him to ever stop gazing in my eyes.

Since fireworks and butterflies are what I’m about, I was a little perplexed by Christine’s theory that when we meet someone and feel “sparks,” it is usually because, according to her, our “insecurities are attracted to each other.” I’d like to think some of us are more intuitive than that, and no disrespect, maybe some of us aren’t that insecure. I don’t doubt this theory is true in some instances, but it’s horrible to think that we can’t actually see sparks by seeing the love and light in another person. What happened to Namaste? The Divine in me recognizes the Divine in you. Those are the sparks I’m talking about!

When I expressed at the coaching session how I believe sparks could turn into something deeper, the girls seemed to think I lived in some fantasy world (maybe I do, but it’s totally working for me!). I’m realistic in the sense that I understand that no one is perfect, people make mistakes, there may be conflict, and we all have wounds. Also, that after the dopamine we release when we first fall in love wears off, we may have to work a little harder to keep the fire burning. However, what I learned from A Course in Miracles is that moment when you lock eyes with someone and are blinded by their light, that moment is what is real. The illusion actually comes later in the relationship when the ego creeps in and brings out our wounds to the surface. The universe brings us together in relationships to heal ourselves and each other in order for us to grow into our highest potential. It doesn’t hurt if your partner makes your head spin in the process.

Relationships are like a mirror in that the love you feel for another person is really a reflection of all the love you have inside of you. I’m always feeling fireworks with the men I fall for, so it’s quite possible that I’m the one bringing the fireworks to the table. Wayne Dyer says, “What you want to do is work hard at creating the exact thoughts in your mind towards others that will match up with the kind of relationship you wish to have.” Since I want magic, I seek to make every relationship I’m in as magical as possible. Marianne Williamson has an amazing book on this subject called Enchanted Love, which I highly recommend. She says, “If there isn’t fire, it isn’t love.”  You see, every fire begins with a spark!

Realizing that I’m not the most practical person, especially in matters of the heart, I decided to get a few other opinions on this topic. First I asked professional matchmaker Chelsea Autumn, who said she did not agree at all with Christine’s theory about sparks. Chelsea not only runs Queen of Hearts, Inc., where she has matched hundreds of happy couples, she also has a degree in psychology and was one of the stars of Millionaire Matchmaker, so when it comes to dating and relationships, I really value her opinion. Next I asked one of my most happily married clients who told me that there were definitely some serious sparks happening when she met her hubby. She’s been married for 28 years now, and she and her husband have two lovely children. My very wise ex-boyfriend, who I’m still great friends with, called me as I was writing this, so I thought I would see what his opinion was. He said, “That’s absurd–sparks are essential. People live for sparks!” The best response by far was from my very quotable dad when I asked him if he saw fireworks when he met my mom. He said he saw “cannons blasting through the air.” I guess we girls see fireworks, but the men who love us see cannons.

Christine went on to say that relationship expert Allison Armstrong (who I’m not familiar with) advises us that on a scale of 1-10, we should run when we feel sparks 8 or above, and we should pay more attention to those who are more of a 5 or 6. It kind of sounded ridiculous to me that I should blow off the men I have great chemistry with and go out with the men I’m less excited about. I guess it boils down to what type of girl you are.  Do you want to settle down as soon as possible, pop out some babies, and make muffins? Or are you craving excitement, adventure, and open to the infinite possibilities the universe may bring? I think you know where I stand.

I’m sure we’ve all experienced major sparks with someone and it didn’t work out, but I’m proud to say that actually I’ve had some 10’s show up for me like no other, and unfortunately, I’ve given some less exciting guys a chance who have turned out to be flakes. Regardless, I think the number on your spark-a-meter is not the best gauge of whether or not someone is a good match for you.

Here are my three most important criteria–you know I won’t steer you wrong:

  1.  How is he showing up for you?

Is he doing nice things for you, taking you on nice dates, giving you lots of attention? In my blog “The Truth about Men Will Set You Free,” I discussed how men prove their love by doing sweet things for their women. Dr. Pat Allen says that a man has a desire to produce into the appetite of a woman he loves. I am beyond grateful to be a woman who has inspired men to produce for me time and time again.

  1.  Does he make you want to be a better person?

Does he just want to get drunk and party with you or does he inspire you to grow? For instance, my long term ex loved to discuss books, take me to lectures, and museums. He encouraged me to go back to school and also to be a writer (even though it took me several years to listen to him).

  1.  Do you love who you are when you’re around him?

Do you feel happy and free and more like your authentic self around him? If so, that is a great sign!  If he makes you feel insecure or anxious more than you feel happy–he’s not the one. Blow him a kiss, and wish him well knowing that the universe will send you someone better suited for you.

Lastly, always remember that our thoughts create our reality. Therefore, we will manifest whatever we believe to be true. Since I had a traumatic experience when I got married very young, I’m not 100% sure I want to walk down that road again, but I am open to the possibility. I’ve always intended to create a fun, exciting, magical love life, and that is exactly what I’ve gotten. We can have whatever type of relationship we want whether it’s passion and fireworks or babies and cupcakes. So ladies, if you believe in magic, you will experience magic–why settle for a 5, when you can manifest a 10?

ididgyouherfuturelogo

**Originally Published on missamycakes.com February 2013**

 

When You Know, You Know

Pepperdine Pinboard

One of the keys of manifesting your desires is dwelling in a state of knowing. We’ve all heard the expression, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” However, Dr. Wayne Dyer says the reverse is actually true, “You will see it when you believe it.” I can recall two times in my life where I had this inner sense of knowing I would achieve what I set out to accomplish.

I remember being a sophomore in high school and seeing a picture of Pepperdine University in Malibu. I immediately knew that was the college I was going to attend. Whenever anyone would ask what were my plans for after high school, I would tell them I would be studying at Pepperdine. My mom told me, “Amy, stop telling people you’re going there! We might not be able to afford that expensive school.” I thought to myself, “Don’t worry Mom, I got it covered.” I studied hard, got good grades, and applied to Pepperdine for early admission. Not surprisingly, the school gave me a partial scholarship as well as some student grants, making the tuition affordable and making my dream to attend the oceanside school come true.

Fast forward many years later to adulthood when I decided to write a memoir. I felt I had a story inside of me that needed to be told. I never really questioned whether it would be published—that just seemed like a given to me. However, sometimes when I would tell people I was writing a book, they would often say things such as, “You know, the publishing industry is dying,” or “Publishers aren’t taking risks on new authors these days.” I didn’t listen. It’s human nature for people tend to project their own fear on others. They mean well—people think they are being helpful by warning you of the challenges you may face. Personally, I’ve always been more of an encourager and would never try to discourage or dissuade anyone from achieving his or her dreams. My response would more be like, “You’re writing a book! That’s so exciting! I can’t wait to read it!”

That being said, it wasn’t the fear my book wouldn’t be published that got in the way—it was the fear that it would be! I started to question whether I wanted people to know all my deep dark secrets, secrets I had swept under the rug. So, after all that hard work, I took my book off the market, figuring it hadn’t been a complete waste of time because writing the memoir was very healing for me. About a year and a half ago, I left the pages on my laptop with no intention of trying to publish the book.

This past September, I wrote a blog about “Owning Your Story” to promote Gabrielle Bernstein’s Spirit Junkie Masterclass. I felt like a bit of a hypocrite. Here I was telling you to own your stories and that your stories are your power when I had hidden my own. The thought crossed my mind that maybe I should revisit my memoir, but not now, I wanted to focus on creating a digital course first.

The universe must have been listening. About a week or two after I wrote that blog, I was sorting through the messages on my LinkedIn account. Among the messages of men offering me money for sex (maybe I should change the name of my blog) and free trips to Dubai, there was a message from the Vice President of a publishing house asking to see my book proposal. Within days, the publishing house offered me a contract. It was as easy as I always imagined it would be!

A Course in Miracles says that anytime you deflect a miracle, it will be held in a trust until you are ready to receive it. Maybe I had deflected a miracle when I put my memoir on the shelf. And maybe the timing hadn’t been right back then. Now, a little older and wiser, I feel as though the universe gave me a nudge to finish what I had started. Am I still scared? Yes, of course. But, now more than ever, I believe in miracles. I trust that I am being guided and that the powers that be and the angels above are on my side.

“Those who are certain of the outcome can afford to wait, and wait without anxiety.” ~ACIM

 

When the Universe Calls

When the Universe Calls

When I first started blogging, a writer friend asked me if I was afraid I would ever run out of ideas. I actually never run out of ideas (I only run out of the ones that won’t get me into trouble). When I’m in writer mode, my wheels are always turning. The words are often rolling around in my head before I get a chance to sit down to write. As a result, I sometimes feel less present, less social, and more absent-minded in my every day life. This summer, I wanted to turn off the chatter in my brain and take a step away from my laptop and really live.

I’ll be the first to admit, I fell into some bad habits this summer. I went out too much. I drank too much. I left people crazy drunk messages. I lost my cell phone. I ate pizza at 2am. I was having fun, but I also felt guilty. Not only did I feel guilty about not taking better care of myself, I felt guilty for not being more productive.

Now I’m a mystical girl who believes everything is a sign. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe there are no chance encounters. I believe everyone is put in your path for a purpose. And I believe that angels speak through people.

So one night in June, while I was out and about, I met a Hollywood producer who had an idea for a project with one of my favorite authors and was wondering how to get in touch with her. I happened to do some volunteer work for her, so I gave the producer an email address where she could be reached. The next day, I received the most beautiful email from the author, a woman whom I admire tremendously. The thought crossed my mind, “Is this a sign? Is the universe telling me I should sit down and write something?” The thought was fleeting, and I kept partying.

About a month later, mid-July, I met a handsome surgeon at a restaurant. I was downing vodka sodas while he gave me an amazing shoulder massage. I don’t remember our conversation that night, but I highly doubt it was anything even remotely spiritual. To my surprise, when he came to pick me up for a dinner date a couple days later, he handed me a book on meditation. He probably thought, “This girl is so wild, I need to teach her how to meditate to calm her down.” While I hadn’t stopped meditating completely, my twenty-minute sessions had fallen to five minutes, sometimes twice a day; nonetheless, I took this gift as a call from the universe to step up my meditation game.

Signs often come in threes, and the angels often speak to me through my dates. A few weeks ago, a date took me to dinner at Cleo in Hollywood, where my girlfriend used to work. My date asked me if I had been there before. I told him, yes, I had, explaining that my girlfriend used to work at that restaurant. My very curious date wanted to know where she worked now. I told him it’s funny he should ask and explained that she is now a full time Akashic reader.

For anyone not familiar with the Akashic records, the records are a metaphysical library containing archives of each individual soul and its journey. Sounds a little out there, right? Well, after explaining this to my pretty straight-laced date, instead of thinking I was crazy, he told me that he thought it would be something I would enjoy and be really good at.

My girlfriend had actually invited me to take the course to become an Akashic practitioner. I was interested in the class, but I had already taken several certification programs in the last year and felt I needed to chill out on courses. However, the fact that out of all the restaurants in Los Angeles, he chose Cleo, where my friend had worked, I felt as though the universe was telling me I needed to take that class, which coincidentally started the following weekend.

After taking the Akashic practitioner course, I immediately felt re-aligned with my purpose. I was much less interested in partying and dating, and far more interested in practicing my Akashic readings. I felt like myself again; I felt creative; I felt focused; I felt inspired; I felt ready to get back to work.

Marianne Williamson always describes the universe similar to a navigation system. If you steer too far off course, the universe will always recalibrate. I might get a little wild at times. I might drink too much. I might have too many dates; but when the universe calls, I’ll always come home♥

“My ideas usually come not at my desk writing but in the midst of living.”~ Anais Nin

ididgyouherfurturelogo

The Old Shoe Syndrome

Old Shoe Banner 2

I’m kind of embarrassed to admit this, but back in my younger years when I was not so wise, I accidentally dated a married man. Honestly, I would have never guessed this guy was somebody’s husband since he paraded me around town, introducing me to all his friends, and even took me to Las Vegas with no apparent fear of getting caught. Later on, he would explain that, “Guys don’t tell!” Our time together was brief, only a summer, but the experience left a lasting impression on me.

Aside from the fact he failed to mention he was married, this guy was just my type—he was big and strong with a sweet, gentle way about him. He always looked at me with such tenderness in his eyes and spoke to me in a very loving manner. He never stopped smiling, even when he lost thousands of dollars at the blackjack table. I think what I loved most about him is that he always seemed so excited to be around me, and that energy was infectious. The two of us were so happy, we were beaming—random people would stop us everywhere we went to tell us what a lovely couple we were.

After Labor Day, I noticed he wasn’t asking to see me as often. Something didn’t feel right, but I decided not to say anything and chose to just let everything play out. In the meantime, I tried to stay busy and distract myself.

Sure enough, one night while I was at a club with a friend, I ran into my married man with his supermodel wife! Turns out, his beautiful wife had been out of the country visiting her family for the summer, which explained why he had been so available the preceding months, but less so when the season changed. Not one to make a scene, when a mutual friend introduced me to the couple, I acted like I had just met him for the first time, and then went home to bawl my eyes out.

The next day when he called, the first thing he asked was, “Do you want to hit me?” Surprisingly, anger wasn’t an emotion I was feeling at the time. I was just very sad, and to be honest, I felt like a fool.

I distinctly remember telling him that I felt sorry for his wife. He said, “HER? Why do you feel sorry for HER?” That was not the kind question I felt warranted an answer, so after a long pause, I asked him what I needed to know–I asked him if he still loved her. I will never forget his response as long as I live. It went something like this:

“You know that old pair of shoes you have in your closet that you wear all the time? You love those shoes; they’re really comfortable, but sometimes you just want to go out wearing a shiny new pair of shoes.”

And that was the day I vowed I would never be anyone’s old shoes!

Before I continue, I just want to say that by writing this, I am in no way putting down this woman or implying there was anything she could have done to keep her husband from straying. However, the “old shoe” image stuck in my head all these years, and I wanted to make sure that no one ever looked or spoke about me in that way.

So here are my tips to make sure your guy always looks at you like a brand new pair of Louboutin’s:

1. Don’t look at him like he’s an old shoe either.

If you’re bored with him, chances are he’s probably bored with you too. A Course in Miracles says the only thing we are lacking in any situation is what we are not giving. So no matter how long you’ve been together, always look to see the wonder and magic in him, and he’ll surely see it in you too.

2. Be endlessly fascinating.

Don’t ever stop growing and learning–not just for him, but also for yourself. You always want to have interests and hobbies and a life outside of your relationship. Not only will you be a far more captivating dinner companion, but also the passion you feel for your projects will spill over into your relationship. You will be giving off a much more exciting energy, and he will definitely want to be a part of the excitement.

3. Go on adventures together.

The more new experiences you have together, the more in love you will feel. Not only will you be making memories that last a lifetime, but shared new experiences actually increase dopamine in the brain, which in turn will make you fall more deeply in love with each other. So book that vacation, go skydiving, or take a class together.

“Actually, the best gift you could have given her was a lifetime of adventures.” 

~Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland

4. Give him the space to grow.

Just as you want to have your own interests and hobbies, you want to encourage your guy when he wants to try new things as well. People should always be growing and evolving. You wouldn’t want to be the same two people you were when you met.

For example, a girlfriend of mine was with the same boyfriend since college. When she expressed an interest in spirituality and started to meditate, her boyfriend made fun of her. Then she was offered a modeling job, and he told her not to take it. He wasn’t giving her the space to blossom into the woman she aspired to be, so she ultimately ended the relationship. You become an old shoe when you try to hold a person back from new experiences and opportunities.

5. Don’t ever stop having sex.

Of course, sex makes a relationship more exciting, but it also releases feel good and bonding chemicals. I’ve heard more than one relationship expert say that contrary to popular belief, it is actually better (and more fun) to work on your sex life than the relationship itself. As Dr. Tammy Nelson puts it, “When you’re having great sex, no one really cares who is taking out the garbage.” All those little things that bother you about your partner will fall away if the sex is making you happy. Keep your sex life exciting, and you’ll always be like a brand new pair of shoes.

6. Don’t ever lose your wild!

When you met your guy, chances are you were out dancing on the bar or swinging from the chandeliers. Now that things have settled in, maybe you’re baking cupcakes and watching movies. You don’t have to stop baking cupcakes or watching movies, but be sure not to lose that wild spirit and sense of fun that drew him to you in the beginning.

 “Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they’re supposed to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with.”

~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City ♥

ididgyouherfurturelogo